Tuesday, 30 March 2010

It's all fair in love and boards

Ooops, I just sprayed my organic herbal tea all over my keyboard, after reading the latest journalistic gem on Cyclingnews.com, commenting on Pat McQuaid’s latest insightful gem on bike technology and The Rules.

Apart from being stuck in the 1830’s, McQuaid is on a mission to help the Greenlanders conquer the world in track racing. Or something like that. I’ve heard that the Greenland sprinters in particular, have difficulties in getting true aerodynamics happening on their IceBykes TM, as the airflow over the frame causes it to melt, thereby slowing them down. Without appropriate frame technology, they cannot get below a 10.5sec flying 200m. Damn shame. They show so much talent otherwise.

So McQuaid wants BT to stop manufacturing and selling Stealths so that the Greenlanders, who can only afford IcyBykes TM, and occassionally Hillbricks and Apollos (and second hand ones at that) after cashing in their annual snow allowance, can experience parity in the sport. That’ll work!

On the other hand, perhaps if everyone else slows down, then the Greenlanders can experience parity that way. Or maybe if the Greenlanders trained in a manner more similar to the Brits, the Aussies and the Germans, that might help the parity issue as well??

I saw some very funky glove technology happening at Masters States a few weeks back. I am really concerned. Carbon fibre knuckles, full fingered, kid skin palms, funky blue coloured gloves, suede palmed golfing gloves (golf gloves! Now surely they have to be banned! Cross sport clothing technology! It’s plain offensive if nothing else) . Now this is where I feel McQuaid could be very effective: disparity in glove technology. I actually saw some poor old soul wearing NO GLOVES at all. Perhaps a UCI fund raiser headed by McQuaid is required, so the dear can be presented with UCI sanctioned netti gardening gloves, with inbuilt blister protection and antifreeze technology?  Alternately, let's just ban gloves. Much easier and still gains that illusive parity.

That would overcome the nanotechnological advancements THOSE track cyclists are using. And of course “While the current generation of track cyclists goes beyond mere riding position and into the realm of motor racing technology” we are all doomed to be dominated by revhead dickheads doing donuts in the infield. Heaven forbid!

From this:

 multifunctional racing car technology; can be used as a tanning bed
A no go for track bikes.

To this:  


A wooden frame: inflammatory material on a tanning bed.

And while McQuaid is browsing the pages of Cyclingnews, to see how his latest media release scrubbed up, or out, or whatever, perhaps he should take a look at this for some perspective. 

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