Sunday, 11 January 2009

Dummy Spit Queen (language warning)

Today I was awarded The Dummyspit, which entitles me to wear The Dummy, now beautifully displayable on a lanyard with “diva” printed on it, and a badge saying "no guts no glory" until one of us has the next dummy spit. It’s hanging proudly on my bedroom door handle.

I won’t go into the ride itself, as Liz covers it well enough, although the bike path incident was rather funny; and I added another 55km to my ride afterwards.

It never ceases to amaze me what F^(*ktards (yes, with a capital "F") people are. A small group of us, lead by Liz and myself rolled up to a set of red lights. I hung back a little to avoid unclipping, and as I rolled through, a large guy on an mtb came up on my inside, promptly turned right in front of me, nearly taking out my front wheel and that of the person to my right before Chopmeister then turned left and rolled to the front of the group. As he passed me and the guy next to me, I yelled at him “Oi, watch it! What do you think you’re doing idiot!!! To which he turned around and replied "blah blah bitch blah blah bitch blah blah". Lights turn green, and this idiot fumbles and fluffs his way through clipping in and rolling off, and we all rapidly pass him, with Liz and I winding up to continue our effort. As I came up to him, I call “And of course, he has to be a big fucking ROAD BLOCK as well.” Or words to that effect. Perhaps I shouldn’t have called him a fucking roadblock, but, well, that’s what he was. Idiot. So once again he replies “blah blah fucking mole. Come here and say that fucking mole. Is that all you got to say fucking mole blah blah blah”. Too late dude, come get us, we got work to do.

Several minutes later, we roll through an intersection with a right hand corner, coming out of a red light and next thing I know, some retard is riding me into the gutter. I look up and it’s my friend. So I say “what the fuck are you doing you idiot??” His reply: “Is that all you can say you fucking mole? Who do you think you are you fucking mole? Who the fuck do you think you are, mole?? Is that all you can say you fucking mole?” My reply:” Learn how to ride a straight line, learn how to ride a bike properly, and come back and see me you fucking idiot.” At this point, Liz grabbed me by the collar and took me away from the stupid oaf. We started winding it up again to get back into work and rapidly dropped him, never to be seen again. I was waiting for a third encounter, prepping myself to give him some education about bunch etiquette, riding safely and who the fuck I was!

But instead of poking fun at him, making him the butt of this blog post, I really should be thanking him, because physically I was fatiguing (I put in a couple of standing jumps off the lights on top of the work I was doing gluing myself to Liz’s wheel) and mentally was faring even worse, despite telling myself all the stuff you tell yourself to stop yourself dummy spitting, packing it in and leaving the party. So the instant indignation and anger at this guy’s stupidity and bullying gave me a brilliant adrenaline hit that cleared all that black pits of hell garbage I had been grappling with. So, you f^(*tard, thank you for helping me finish off a really good training session. I hope I never see you again, because I’ll be saying the same thing to you, because I doubt you’ll have the intelligence or self awareness to actually understand what I was on about.

I am very proud of being the DummySpit Queen this week. I earnt it!

PS Today I wore for the first time, my very special Caitlinpower, Xmas socks with the cherries on them. They worked a treat and I think may be my special competition socks, alongside my new australian flag socks.


Buttsy said...

Remind me to be nice to you all the time from now on....Just remind me again, who had the problem? was it him or was it you? Just wondering.....I am so glad we dont train in Melbourne, its just me and the cows here, and rabbits and echidnas, havent seen any fucking moles, like your mate was claiming to have seen on his ride that day.........sounds like a day off the bike would be good for you, reading yours and Liz's blogs today, you both need to have some "head time" and chill ....but I cant talk, my life is out of control at the moment......would they do a discount at a day spa for a group of three?

Anonymous said...

Sweety, you need to get a real pump and use it in the front wheel. He won't use that language again at you or any other women if he has any sense.

Lawrence said...

Buttsy: don't need head time, girl! Need arrogant clueless gits to stay away from me;-)

Sweety: I's gunna get me one of those old timer pumps. Do you have one I borrow?? hehe

hippy said...

Ha! Nice work. :)
Thinking along those lines though I'd need that dummy tattooed on my head. ;)
Sounds like you encountered the tosser at a bit of a sugar low. Eat more and then you'll have the energy to smack him one in the nuts when he tries that shit again.

Lawrence said...

ROFL. Classic Hipshtar! Next time, I'll say hey idiot dude, wait up while I have my sugar fix, then wack him one after I've eaten some jelly dinosaurs lol